This Dayley's Life

Dear Younger Self,  I've been contemplating the sexual intimacy journey in my marriage and have come to learn that I'm definitely not the only one to struggle with feelings of purity and carnal desires. How do you reconcile it? What separates the two in marriage? Selflessness. When we are in a sexual relationship for the physical only, we are only taking and giving nothing in return.  I read a comment recently that beautifully describes the key, I think, to turning the sexual marriage experience into a sacred and pure one. The author said, "We tend to do for others what would make us happy if someone would do the same for us. And afterward we wonder why the other person isn’t happy. One great key to success in marriage is to find out what would make our spouse happy and then to find joy in providing that happiness."(Barlow, 1986) This is a wonderful description of how we can see the differences in our spouse more positively and having more to do with them, and ...

Dear Younger Self,  I have hit my knees to the floor praying for more years than I care to admit, asking God to fix my husband, change his heart, make him understand...but I have come to know because of  God's gentle and patient way, that I am the one who must change. My heart is the one that needs softening. And I needed to better understand.  I am so humbled in this moment, thinking about how I demanded so much of my spouse, but don't remember what he might have needed from me. I don't recall a lot of his problems or worries, only my own. Through those exhausting child bearing and rearing years, I remember vividly how difficult it was...for me.  I now realize that I must take more of my burdens and my complaints to the Lord to be burned up, not just on my husbands shoulders to burden him further. I needed more faith in my Savior. I needed to give up my "beasts of burden" to the altar...give them to God.  I can't remember a single specific reason w...

Dear younger self, I am so moved by something I read today, and I wanted to share my thoughts with you. I read a rendition of the classic ancient story of Abraham, readying his son Isaac, to become the sacrifice God required of him. The automatic imagery for me thus far in my life when pondering this story is the agony of Abraham.  Too much was asked of him! His obedience in sacrificing his son has both inspired and horrified me.  But today as I read this new perspective, I was invited to consider the reaction of Isaac to the situation. The son. The one who laid himself on the altar, having total trust in his father that this was God's will.  The father and the son, together in total obedience and submission to the will of God, came to know what it means to truly submit all they possessed on the altar of God. A story of real consecration. The willingness to give it all...and when you knelt at that altar in the temple with your husband, God expected the same of you......

Dear Younger Self,  I'm happy to report that ALL the problems you encounter in this mortal existence have a real, true eternal purpose.  Your's and your husband's sacrifices and growth need your faith! There are things you will experience that you cannot understand or work through immediately, and maybe even during your lifetime. But your trust in God and his ability to heal your marriage and your individual struggles can carry you through the roughest times. I know that professional counseling and learning how to be a better communicator are important, but there will be times when those things don't bring the peace you are hoping for. It is only in  humble faith in  the atonement of Jesus Christ that you will be able to feel the healing power that your marriage will always need. All else will fall short. All else will bring you to the edge of your emotional threshold and despair will try to suffocate you. Simply believe. Believe that your Savior has accounted f...

Dear younger Self,  I like your honest questions about bringing God into your marriage. I can't say that God will always make your circumstances physically easier, but He can help you to see the eternal nature of your relationship, and help your burdens to feel lighter. When God is in your marriage, you can get through the hardest times, thinking of your husband's struggles, the burdens he carries. I know it's so hard to see past your own struggles, but as you bring God closer in your marriage by asking for His help, He will show you a picture of Dan you won't see any other way. You'll see him through God's lens. You'll forgive more freely, give more abundantly, and try to understand where he is coming from when he struggles to find the words to express himself honestly.  There will come a time when you will cry out to God, asking, "Why is Dan such a big jerk!? Please help him to learn how to stop being so rude, and angry and, and...." Then th...