Charity

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Dear Younger Self, 

I have hit my knees to the floor praying for more years than I care to admit, asking God to fix my husband, change his heart, make him understand...but I have come to know because of  God's gentle and patient way, that I am the one who must change. My heart is the one that needs softening. And I needed to better understand. 
I am so humbled in this moment, thinking about how I demanded so much of my spouse, but don't remember what he might have needed from me. I don't recall a lot of his problems or worries, only my own. Through those exhausting child bearing and rearing years, I remember vividly how difficult it was...for me. 
I now realize that I must take more of my burdens and my complaints to the Lord to be burned up, not just on my husbands shoulders to burden him further. I needed more faith in my Savior. I needed to give up my "beasts of burden" to the altar...give them to God. 
I can't remember a single specific reason we fought, only that we often did. I was so frustrated, so angry. But there was nothing so problematic as was my unwillingness to let go of being "right" and have charity toward my husband. 
If I can suggest anything to your aching heart, its this...You can change everything about how you feel toward your husband, yourself, and your situation if you pray for charity. Pray to see him as God sees him. Make room in your heart for the Holy Ghost to teach you to see with new eyes. 
Love, 
Your Older Self

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